


(Not) Getting Married Today

by asoftplacetoland



Category: Schitt's Creek (TV) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Boys in Skirts, Catherine Gives her Blessing, Dan is oblivious, Dirty Talk, Dubious Knowledge of how Canadian Marriages Work, Everyone is Single - Freeform, Fluff and Smut, Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Noah is a Troll, Really an Ode to Dan Levy in a Skirt, Riding, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:53:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23614060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asoftplacetoland/pseuds/asoftplacetoland
Summary: Spoilers for 6x14 ahead!Dan and Noah take a moment after shooting the wedding to express their mutual appreciation for David and Patrick's wedding looks. The next day, Catherine informs Dan that there may have been a slight hitch made during filming.(Set in an AU where everyone is single and nothing hurts because Dan deserves to be worshiped in that skirt.)
Relationships: Dan Levy/Noah Reid
Comments: 15
Kudos: 59





	(Not) Getting Married Today

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vanillahigh00](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanillahigh00/gifts).



> First and foremost, this is purely a self indulgent work of fiction that has no reflection on Dan or Noah or Catherine's real lives or relationships. Totally written for fun! 
> 
> I was lovingly harassed into writing this by my crew over at the RA discord and because Dan crying made me want to make him cry for a happier reason. Thank you to [ vanillahigh00 ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanillahigh00/pseuds/vanillahigh00) for betaing this mess and for the encouragment. I hope you like the finished product!

Dan always knew the wedding was going to be difficult to shoot. 

Regardless of the feelings he felt as a writer and as an actor, having to see Noah in his wedding suit looking like an absolute dream meant that as soon as the opportunity presented itself, they’d have to find a moment to indulge in each other's touch. As if the day weren’t already hyper emotional enough, all Dan could think about now was getting Noah out of that beautiful suit and behind a locked door.

They break for lunch and in record time, Noah and Dan all but fall into Dan’s trailer. As soon as the lock clicks into place, ensuring their privacy, Noah is on him in an instant. The tears that had fallen moments ago as Patrick sang Mariah, and Dan had choked out David’s vows were still wet on his face. 

Noah pulls him close, stroking both thumbs gently over his face to dry the wetness. Dan shudders and feels more tears threaten to escape, but Noah places soft kisses all over his cheeks to soothe them away.

“Shh, baby, no more crying.” Noah murmurs. He holds Dan close, and they sway back and forth gently. It’s hard saying goodbye to David and Patrick, but now that the show is ending and they’re set to be living very far away from each other, saying goodbye to Noah is a grief that he doesn’t even want to contemplate. 

They’ve done this dance around each other for years now. Stolen moments in trailers on set, quiet dinners in both of their respective homes, and nights on the town they avoided calling dates, all while trying desperately to connect but keep it light. 

Dan knows now that they are failing in their mission to keep things light because the love he feels for this man now runs deep in his bones. They’re still dressed in their wedding clothes, and the softness of the moment begins to fade as Noah’s hands start to drift downward. Dan remembers why they’ve snuck away just as the crew broke for lunch, and he hums his approval when Noah slides a careful hand up his skirt to palm at his cock. Dan shifts a little under him as Noah’s hand becomes more insistent, and he grows harder beneath his hand.

“No more crying unless you’re gonna do it on my cock,” Noah states with a firm voice and a lurid grin that makes Dan want to smack it off his handsome face. He tuts at him and prepares to pull away, but Noah drops the teasing hand and turns to push Dan up against the trailer door. Dan goes easily and groans when he feels Noah crowd in and rub his hands teasingly down Dan's chest. He grinds his erection into Dan’s ass with a filthy roll of his hips and Dan’s breath stutters. Noah noses at his neck, biting where he can reach and he leans up to whispers in his ear,

“Can’t wait to fuck you in your sweet little wedding skirt.” Dan gasps when Noah’s whispered promise comes with an edge as he bites the lobe of his ear, sucking it into his mouth briefly before blowing on the wet trail of spit he leaves behind. His hands fall to Dan's hips and squeeze just along the edge of too tight as he continues on.

“Going to open you up with my fingers and make you sit on my cock. You wanna ride me, baby?” Dan groans again, wriggling back as best he can to push against Noah’s erection.

“Yes, please, Noah, don’t make me beg.” Dan wheezes out and Noah laughs again, nice and low, and Dan can feel the rumble of it in his chest where he’s pressed against his back.

“Aw, sweetheart, where’s the fun in that?” He teases as his hands fall from Dan’s hips. Dan can feel him move out of his space, and he turns to face him with a small frown at the loss of contact. Noah is now seated on the couch, calm and cool as ever, staring at Dan hungrily.

“Come sit on my lap, handsome. Wanna look at you for a bit.” Dan moves to unlace his shoes and he places them by the door before padding over to stand in front of Noah. Noah looks up at him, and pats his lap with a smile that looks so much like Patrick’s; it makes Dan swallow around the thickness of emotion before it can claw its way back up again. He gingerly sits on Noah’s lap, keeping his legs together and looping his arms around his neck in a very innocent position he knows will serve to annoy Noah like he loves to do. Sure enough, Noah gives him an unimpressed look and dips a hand to part Dan’s legs and rearrange him so he is sitting facing Noah with his legs spread wide on either side of him. Even though the skirt fans out to cover absolutely everything, Dan still feels a little uncomfortable putting his full weight on his partner. Noah, like the mind reader he tends to be when it’s important, gives him another look.

“You are absolutely gorgeous, fit in my arms just right. You don’t know how badly I wanted to get to the end of that scene just so I could kiss you. How are you so perfect?” Noah breathes, and Dan feels like crying all over again when Noah pulls him down for another kiss. Although the wedding kiss was certainly tender, this one stokes a fire of want in his belly as Noah’s mouth opens under his own. Dan licks inside and revels in the taste, spearmint because Noah always makes sure to have a mint on hand when he knows he has to kiss Dan in a scene. It’s still endearing even after years of chasing that flavor with his tongue both on set and in stolen moments like this one. Noah brings his hands up to scratch gently at the base of Dan’s neck before threading careful fingers through his hair. Dan parts for the briefest of moments to warn him to be careful and Noah laughs at him not unkindly.

“I know, I know, I’ll be careful. It’s not like Hair & Makeup doesn’t know what you get up to on your breaks.” Dan scowls and scoots forward to grind his ass down on Noah’s cock, and the resulting half-shout is worth the effort.

“Yeah, because you’re so fucking loud.” He teases, and Noah’s fingers dig into his hips a little too harshly as he lifts Dan up. Dan lets out an undignified squeak in alarm when he finds himself face down over Noah’s lap. Noah gently lifts the skirt to reveal his tight black briefs and he rubs an appreciative hand over them before dragging them down his legs. He hears the snick of a cap and then jolts when Noah rubs a wet finger down his crack before circling around the rim of his hole. He wastes no time before pressing inside, and Dan shudders beneath him.

“Just relax and breathe. Let me in, baby.” Noah coos as he presses in even deeper. Dan wants to yell at him to just get on with it, but then Noah spanks him hard on one cheek. His hips stutter forward as he clenches tight around Noah’s finger.

“What was that for?” He cries while Noah shifts underneath him and works his own pants down his legs to pool at his feet.

“You’re rutting against my leg, and Wardrobe will kill me if I show up with come stains on my costume…again.” Dan frowns at him and reaches down to fold the pants up and places them gently on the arm of the couch. Noah, because he is the worst, holds his finger in place while all this happens. He uses his other hand to grip Dan’s ass to keep him from tumbling out of his lap. Dan blushes at the treatment, and when he finishes the task, Noah spanks him again.

“Thank you for taking care of that. Always so good for me once you’ve got something inside you, aren’t you, precious boy?” Dan shivers at the endearment while Noah begins to work his finger in and out slowly. He kneads at Dan’s ass with his free hand, and Dan can’t help but move his hips back into the touch when he presses in a second finger.

“Eager for it, aren’t we?” Noah teases, and Dan pinches his bare thigh in retaliation. Noah growls and spanks him hard across both cheeks.

“Stay still, dammit. Wanna watch your pretty pink hole open up for me.” He rumbles as he twists his fingers inside. Dan presses his forehead against the couch and wills himself to lay still while Noah continues to push his fingers in and out in a steady rhythm. Soon enough, he adds a third and crooks them just right so that Dan is practically wailing while Noah rubs his fingers up against his prostate.

“There we go, told you I would make you feel so good. You deserve to feel good, Dan. You deserve the world.” Noah’s voice suddenly sounds a little choked up, and Dan pets at his thigh gently. Noah removes his fingers and pulls Dan’s underwear all the way down his legs before fumbling for the zipper on the skirt. Dan lifts so he can remove it and looks back to watch as Noah carefully drapes it over the couch.

“I see you are much more civilized with my costume pieces.” Noah gives him a halfhearted shrug and a little smile. Dan slips off his lap and sinks to the floor in between Noah’s knees.

“Dan, what— _oh_!” Dan licks over the head of Noah’s cock before sealing his mouth over the tip and sucking hard. Noah immediately bucks into the suction with a groan, and Dan hums around his mouthful before sinking further down the length. It’s certainly not the most elegant blowjob he’s ever given, but he’s just hoping to get Noah wet. He allows the mix of precome and saliva to pool in his mouth and then drip down until Noah’s hips stutter again. He pulls back with a sigh, fingers delicately wiping at his mouth as he looks up at Noah through his lashes. He’s expecting heat, but Noah is staring down at him with so much affection that it steals the breath right out of his lungs. Noah holds out a hand for him, and he climbs back into his lap, and their lips meet in a clash of tongue and teeth.

“God, _Dan_.” Noah breathes against his mouth, and he sounds absolutely wrecked. He clutches at Dan’s hips and Dan throws a hand back to grip Noah’s cock. He’s already open from Noah’s fingers and sinks down easily until he is flush against Noah’s thighs. He wraps his arms around Noah’s neck and tries not to laugh at him still in his suit from the waist up. He is sweating in his own suit jacket, but it’s nothing that Wardrobe hasn’t dealt with before. He lifts up as far as he can with Noah’s hands holding him in place and then sinks back down with a shudder. He quickly moves to balance on his knees so he can press his lips to Noah’s in a kiss that quickly devolves when Noah thrusts up into him. They move together like that, panting into each other’s mouths until Noah shoves Dan back down the length and holds him in place. Dan squirms at the sudden stillness, feeling completely full and breathless at the intensity of Noah's gaze on him. 

“Wanna look at you again. Sitting so pretty on my cock, baby. My sweet little trophy husband.” Noah groans, and Dan almost comes from the words alone even though something about the way Noah says it makes him take pause. Noah always gets mouthy right before he comes.

“Going to make you so fucking happy, Dan. Never seen anyone so beautiful in my whole life. I'm so lucky, can't believe you're mine. Are you going to come for me, baby?”

Dan throws his head back on a wail, his mind blanking out on the word _mine_ because that is everything he could want, to be Noah's in all the ways that matter. Noah wraps a hand around his cock and gives him two firm strokes before he’s coming. Noah catches it all in his hand, careful of the costuming just like he promised, and then he offers his come slick hand to Dan, who eagerly takes it in his mouth. He licks the mess clean from Noah’s strong fingers with a shuddery sigh. Noah's eyes grow wide as he takes in the sight and he thrusts up into him a few more times before he follows him over the edge. The feeling of being filled up with Noah’s come is still as intoxicating today as it had been the first time and the echo of _mine_ now drifts through his head, claiming him in that way too. Dan shivers when Noah finally lifts Dan up and off his cock before tucking him into his side.

“Nooo, we’re going to get come on the couch,” Dan complains under Noah’s arm, but Noah presses a gentle finger to his lips to shush him.

“Oh, hush. This couch has seen worse days. Wanna hold you for a bit, pretty boy.” They sit together quietly breathing for so long that Dan feels himself start to drift. He wakes out of his reverie with Noah’s lips pressed against his forehead.

“Wake up, sleepyhead. We gotta get ready and head back to set.” Dan pops into the shower to rinse off while Noah redresses, and soon enough, they are presentable enough to head back to set. Noah leaves him first with a lingering kiss and Dan follows a beat after wondering if he’s feeling more or less emotional after all of that.

* * *

The next day is their official last day of shooting, and it starts with a knock on his trailer door. Dan goes to open it, and there is Catherine dressed in a smart looking black and white number, her hair and makeup already impeccably done in Moira's typical over the top fashion. She’s wringing her hands a bit, and that in and of itself is perplexing. He ushers her in, and she stands there and looks at him for a beat before speaking.

“Dear sweet Daniel, I’m afraid I owe you an apology,” Catherine says with a small sad smile. Dan takes her hand and gives it an affectionate squeeze with a smile.

“Catherine, I’m sure it’s nothing, but if you did take the motel bell, Dad—” Dan starts but she stops him with a wave of her hand. She is one of the few people who still have the power to silence him with so little simply because he has the utmost respect for her.

“No, it’s not that. Maybe it’s actually better if we sit.” She gestures Dan toward the sofa. Dan sits and tries not to think about Noah, and the last time he sat on this couch. He’s trying to wrack his brain for what Catherine could have possibly done that was worth apologizing over. She took his hand again and let out a deep sigh.

“Daniel, you know I’m not one to beat around the bush, so I’m just going to come right out and say it. I think I accidentally married you to Noah.” Of all the possible scenarios he concocts in his head, this is not one of them. He immediately laughs, but her solemn face stops him fairly quickly.

“I’m sorry, that’s just, very funny, Catherine but that’s not possible.” Dan offers, his hand rubbing at his neck to soothe away the embarrassed flush he can feel burning across it like a brand.

“Well, Daniel, you both signed the marriage certificate.” She offers, her voice going quiet in a way Dan does not find funny anymore. He frowns at her and straightens up a bit.

“Yes, as David Rose and Patrick Brewer. We filmed it even because I wasn’t sure how much wedding footage we’d need for the finale.” She nods at that, but her frown deepens.

“Actually, you both signed it with your own names, but I also know you two went to the courthouse for the certificate, so I thought you knew what you were getting into.” Dan sputters at her and tries to remember desperately what he did in that scene. He remembers Noah’s hand on his hip and taking the pen from him while their fingers brushed. Noah’s eyes were so warm... 

Oh god he may have signed his actual name, _fuck_! 

While Dan goes through the sort of face journey that would put David Rose to shame, Catherine’s own expression goes from sad to worried to amused in a heartbeat. Dan is feeling more frantic by the second, and panic starts to rise up in his chest as he searches for a solution.

“I wanted it to look real! But someone with authority had to sign it after us, and you don’t…” Catherine pats his thigh gently to stop him.

“I, um, actually do have that authority in Canada and the US, as it were. I signed it because I thought it was what you both wanted.” She tells him gently, and Dan can’t breathe anymore.

“But, we said our vows in character!” He half shouts, and Catherine nods at him again, biting back a smile at him.

“You exchanged rings and said I do, but that’s beside the point. It should be easy enough to file for an annulment because you obviously didn’t, um, _consummate_ the marriage?” She coughs delicately, and Dan feels like he’s going to be sick. Dan stood abruptly, shaking his hands out in distress. Catherine raises an eyebrow at him, her smile curving at the corner of her mouth, and Dan points at her.

“No, save it. I have to find Noah.” He grits out, and Catherine rises because a good actress always knows her cue to enter and to exit. She offers him another smile as she turns to leave.

“Oh, I saw your dear husband heading toward his trailer, but I wanted to talk to you first. I suppose you’re going to go break the news to him now but Daniel, if I may, maybe this isn’t such a bad thing?” Dan scrubs a hand over his face, and sighs heavily but Catherine is still standing there poised at the door. She gives him a look that means she has some valuable wisdom to impart on him. While he is typically grateful for her advice, Dan’s brain is currently screeching at him, and he’s not sure he’s open to hearing what she has to say at the moment. 

“I’m finding it hard to wrap my head around about how getting accidentally married to my co-star isn’t a bad thing, but please, impart your wisdom,” Dan says with a huff. Catherine looks at him with a soft wondering sort of expression.

“Well, I just think you ought to find out what Noah has to say about all this first? Just a thought.” She offers as she slips out of the trailer, shutting the door behind her with a click. Not a moment later, Dan follows in her wake, probably looking flustered and anxious as he sets off at a run for Noah’s trailer. Once he arrives, he pounds at Noah’s trailer door like an insane person, so he’s not surprised when it flies open to reveal a panicked looking Noah. Once he catches sight of Dan, the lines of his body immediately soften and that lovely smile of his shines through. “ _I’ve never liked a smile as much as yours,”_ Dan’s brain echoes his own words back at him unhelpfully, and he swallows thickly as he tries to figure out what to say. Noah raises an eyebrow at him as he stands seemingly frozen on the step of his trailer.

“Hey Dan, everything okay?” Dan decides not to bother with words after all and just pushes into the trailer, shoving Noah backward.

“Dan, what—”

“We fucked up. We fucked up so bad and I don’t know how to fix it.” He finally manages, and Noah’s face immediately goes from confused to fearful.

“What? What happened? What do you mean? Did the press get wind of something? Is it Sarah? What—” He starts, but Dan waves his arms to get him to stop.

“We signed our names! We didn’t sign as David and Patrick, apparently Catherine’s a JP, and then we had sex!” Dan’s voice sounds frantic to his own ears. Noah now looks deeply confused, and Dan’s eyes drift to where Patrick’s wedding ring sits on his left hand. He holds David's ring up to Noah's face and points.

“We thought we were filming David and Patrick’s wedding, but we actually filmed our own. We’re married.” Dan finishes, dropping to the couch and burying his face in his hands. Noah is uncharacteristically quiet for what seems like forever, and Dan can’t bear to look up to see his face. Maybe that’s why he’s surprised when Noah pulls him into his chest. 

“Oh sweetheart, that’s not a fuck up.” Noah whispers into his hair, ghosting a kiss to his forehead as he holds him tight. Dan draws in a hiccup of a breath. 

_Fuck!_ When did he start crying? 

Dan pulls away to stare at Noah, and he lets him, but keeps his arms in place. He looks so patient and understanding, and it breaks Dan’s heart.

“What do you mean it’s not a fuck up. You don’t want to be married to _this_.” He gestures to himself and Noah’s soft smile is back as he leans in, pressing a sweet kiss to Dan’s lips.

“Who says?” He asks softly, and Dan’s mouth falls open in shock. Noah takes his hand and presses another kiss to the wedding ring on his finger. “For the most brilliant person I know, you sure don’t see the things that are right in front of you.” He offers, and then kisses Dan again. It’s so gentle and perfect and _oh_. Dan feels himself start to relax into the embrace, and when they pull apart, Noah presses a kiss to his forehead and pats his cheek. Dan presses a kiss into his palm and stares up at him in wonderment.

“You knew the whole time, didn’t you?” Noah rolls his eyes and pinches Dan on the hip.

“Everyone knew but you, Daniel. Now let’s go wrap a series so we can talk honeymoon destinations. I’m thinking Italy or New Orleans.” Dan’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, but Noah just takes him by the hand, and Dan follows him out of the trailer and back to set. There will be plenty of time to talk later. Maybe even years and years of it.


End file.
